Hustling into the bedroom, determined to “hurry” Bethany along so we could get to school on time, I stopped abruptly.

Bethie was sitting in the middle of the floor, still in her pajamas, sporting a blonde wig.

“Beth- you need to get dressed for school.”

“This is what I’m wearing today mom. I decided.”

“Well, today is Friday.  If you want to get McDonald’s sausage burrito this morning, you’ll get dressed, lose the wig, and be ready to go in five minutes.  If you don’t, you lose that reward.”

I walked out of the room.

Five minutes later we were on our way to McDonalds.

Maybe you don’t agree with reward and consequences parenting, but hear me out. 🙂

Until Bethany came into our lives, I didn’t build in enough rewards and celebration for good behavior.  I mainly focused on what would happen if they didn’t obey. Before Bethany, I tended to think of “rewards” as bribes.  But now I believe that rewards are better motivation than the threat of consequences.

In the Bible, God clearly defines expectation of behavior. He makes it crystal clear what the blessing and rewards of good choices are and the consequences of bad choices are.

He never bribes us, but He does reward us- and sometimes, he lets us reap the consequences of our decisions.  Always- His Grace and Love triumph over us.

During the instruction process, He is perfectly good, never wavering in His absolute, unconditional love for us. His plans are for our good- plans to prosper us, not to bring us harm.

Special Needs bring a whole new challenge to discipline and training, teaching your children to learn and comply. 

It’s a complicated mess that I don’t believe can be solved with “Because I said so!” or punitive anger. He doesn’t force us to comply, get into a shouting match or power struggle.

  Our Father, God, is not one of “those” parents you see in the store- angry, irritated, frustrated with their child- yelling and threatening but never giving any rewards or consequences. God offers us choices and transforms our behavior through His loving wisdom. And there is always reward at the end!

For us, this approach works extremely well for Bethany.  She gets to choose. We have built in daily rewards and loss of rewards to “help” her in her decisions.

ie- getting dressed and going to school on time results in going through McDonalds on Friday for a burrito.

ie- not getting ready for bed results in losing the privilege of the computer the whole next day.

I’m prepared for the hundred little things that she may decide to balk at during the day. ie like getting a blonde wig and deciding to go to school in her pajamas.

Thankfully, rewards won over loss of rewards that time.  🙂  And when her decisions result in loss of privileges, she’s the winner then too!

Because she is truly learning that her choices matter; and that she needs to choose to do what is the best thing- whether she feels like it or not.

Surprising Treasure:  Galations 6:  You will always harvest what you plant. ⁸ Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. ⁹ So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.