Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He’s the one who will keep you on track.  Proverbs 3:7- MSG

 

 

Another Step in Bethany’s Quest for Independence

[Tweet “Shoot for #interdependence– NOT #co-dependence or #independence #specialneeds”]

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Bethany finished the 1 mile fun run BECAUSE of her friends.

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Bethany’s 15 now. We’re getting all kinds of questions about our goals for her “#independence”.  But I’m beginning to see that total #independence is NOT the end goal for anyone.

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Learn new skills? Yes! Try new things? Yes! Be self-initiating? Yes!

 

But total independence is a goal no one reaches. No man is an island- no man walks alone.  Interdependence is the foundation of life- we were created for reciprocal relationships- each giving another person something unique and complementing the other.

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[Tweet ““Our lives are rich with #relationships. We weren’t meant to live #alone.” #interdependence“]

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Relationships and friendships seem to be a bit more complicated when I compare Bethany’s life to our other kids social lives- BUT we’re figuring out how to help Bethany balance independence with interdependence.

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We all have strengths and weakness. Sometimes you’re the “giver”- sometimes you’re the “receiver”.  It’s not a shameful thing to admit you need help.

 

[Tweet “Needing #help is not a #shameful thing. #ASK #Help”]

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At the end of last year, Bethany began asking if she could do school by herself- without a para following her.

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I get it.  I really do.  She’s a teenager and wants to be like the other kids and she doesn’t want to feel like she has a baby sitter taking her from class to class or hovering over her. Her teachers and school staff got on board with it and said, “Let’s try it and see what happens.” (pretty cool if you ask me 🙂 )

 

At the beginning of this school year, Bethany had NO para support. Every class and club was being done independently!  She was ecstatic.

 

Six weeks into school this fall, and we had our first IEP meeting. I was excited to hear how her teachers thought it was working for her.

 

The responses were mixed.  Three teachers said she did great without para support. All teachers said she did great with class transitions, clubs, lunch time, and with her work in the office the last period of the day.    Yay!!

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However, one teacher noticed that she was not as confident in her class than the year before, struggled with some of the assignments and was not asking for help when she needed it.

 

After we talked at the IEP meeting today, we came to the conclusion that she could remain completely independent in all of her school day but she needed to accept para support in her Drama class.

 

It’s interesting– (perhaps the correct word is “complicated”) as we try to explain to Bethany that we’re proud of her independence BUT she needs to be gracious and accept help in the areas that she is struggling.  Her constant response- “I don’t need a para anymore. I don’t need help. I can do it by myself!”

 

Bethany’s “pride” in being independent is a bit of a stumbling block for her accepting help.

As I try to help her understand that “everyone” needs help sometimes, it dawns on me my pride pushes me into the same rhetoric.’

 

I don’t like to ask for help. I don’t like to appear weak or needy.

 

But life is full of unknowns, transitions, new challenges, and tiresome burdens.  And as I get older, I realize how much help I really need.

 

I DAILY need God’s help to have any semblance of peace and joy.

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I need my husband’s opinions, wisdom, support, love, and respect.

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I need my family’s input, love and sweet presence.

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I need my church family to encourage and support and care for me.

 

I try to explain- complete independence is impossible.  We need God- and each other. Learning to be dependent on God and asking for help when we need is the foundation of living.

 

[Tweet “God purposefully created #interdependence into our #relationships and all of #creation.”]

 

Bethany finally smiles as I explain for the umpteenth time that she will be having a para help her in drama class from now on.

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Her final response with a sigh and a roll of her eyes, “OK Mom, if that will make them feel better.  I will let them help me but I don’t know if I really need help or not.”

 

[Tweet “Graciously embrace the #help God offers. #relationships #GodHelp”]

 

Surprising Treasures: Prov. 3:7 NIV

In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. 7Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the LORD and turn away from evil. 8It will be healing to your body And refreshment to your bones.…

Christian family, God of Grace, joyful journey, special needs parenting