[Tweet “God raised Him up, ending the pains of death, because it was not possible for Him to be held by it. #Victory”]
Death- the last enemy
I held my breath as I waited- praying that our sweet 2 year old daughter, Kristin, would take just one more breath- hoping there would be a 11th hour miracle. I put on a little sweater and held her closer, willing my warmth into her cold, little body. We were singing “Jesus Loves Me” when she left us.
I began weeping in earnest as I thought- “She can’t go- she’s too little for her to be alone.”
Retinal Cancer had won this battle and ripped her from our family! I was stunned. I couldn’t believe God had let my little girl die when we had prayed so sincerely for her miracle. I was mad and bewildered- I thought Jesus loved me???
Then this scripture was read at her service.
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“Oh Death, where is your sting- Oh, hell, where is your victory?”
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I internalized a wail that could have broken windows if it had been but heard. Too afraid to lash out at God verbally, I lashed out angrily inside my heart and mind. I didn’t want to serve God anymore. I wanted a guarantee nothing else bad was going to happen in my life. I was truly on the brink of a breakdown.
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“Where is the sting? Of death??? Are you kidding?! This pain is hell. I think I’m going to die from the heartbreak. Cancer got the victory. We lost this battle. I thought God loved me but I don’t know anything anymore!”
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[Tweet “In our worst sufferings, we can rest in the #inexhaustible #love of God.”]
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That was 30 years ago this year.
Slowly and thoroughly, piece by broken piece- God began to put me back together again.
[Tweet “Time is not the #healer but there is no #heartache that #heaven can’t heal. #GodsLove”]
I became Weak/Strong. I had a knowing I was too weak to handle life by myself anymore and a realization that He would show His strength to me exponentially as I surrendered my needs to Him.
His love became intimate.
His compassion and grace became familiar.
His strength became the only thing I could rely on.
His Light has prevailed and it continues to chase the darkness away when it tries to infringe itself on my life.
I am not wailing today!
I know He loves me! I know He’s for me! I know God is truly good and will lead us through every dark valley. He will bring us all safely home!
I am shouting! I am praising! I have my eyes and heart fixed on the Risen Christ who overcame death and promised that eternal life with Him.
I know Kristin is more alive than I am. And I understand now, she was never alone! She went from my arms to God’s glorious presence.
Today, I almost burst with joy as I sing this Matt Maher song: Christ Has Risen from the Dead
Christ is risen from the dead
We are one with Him again
Come awake, come awake!
Come and rise up from the grave
Oh death! Where is your sting?
Oh hell! Where is your victory?
Oh Church! Come stand in the light!
The glory of God has defeated the night!
Oh death! Where is your sting?
Oh hell! Where is your victory?
Oh Church! Come stand in the light!
Our God is not dead, He’s alive! he’s alive!
Dear ones! Stand in the light! The darkness has no place when you are in His light.
Weeping may endure for the night- but I tell you truly- JOY comes in the morning!
He is Risen! He is Victorious! He’s Coming Again!
Maranantha!
I can’t imagine the depth of your pain, beautiful Cindy, but I thank God for creating you and your precious family. And thank you for this. For those in the bleakest of circumstances of all kinds, it shines a merciful and honest light.
I believed in God in the light- He met me in the dark- held me and restored me. I owe Him everything! He is good!
I remember like it was yesterday… Kristin passed away at home in Cindy’s arms. The coroner had not come to the house yet. I was crying with my Bible on my lap. Turning pages I landed on Hebrews 11. My tear-filled eyes drifted to “…these all, having died in faith, not having received the fullness of the promise in this life, but having seen it from a distance…”
I remember thinking two things.
a.) Kristin’s death was not about lack of faith… people die in faith.
b.) Kristin was the one with the promise. We were the one’s still waiting.
Oh death, where is your sting? Oh grave, where is your victory?
Death, you lose! Grave, you are defeated!
Thank you Jesus for our living hope.
He is our LIVING hope! I love you babe. Wouldn’t want to go through life with anyone but you as my partner! <3
As Kristen’s aunt and going through our pregnancies of Kristen and Rachel together, her passing from your arms to Jesus’ arms 30 years ago will always have an impact on my life here. I agree with Jeff that Kristen is living our Christian Faith Promise! However, it sure didn’t feel that way at the time or even the first 10 years.
The sentence that pierces my heart and ministers to my soul is “The darkness has no place when you are in His light.” I need to focus on standing in the Light of Christ instead of trying to understand and figure everything out with a scripture to back up the reason. Then waiting for the Promise of being with Jesus transforms my life’s burdens to the yoke of Christ, making it easier to wait here on this earth while my love ones are in heaven. Your blog is God’s perfect timing for me as I’m peeling another layer of missing and processing the death of loved ones. Also, how death has an effect on the family dynamics and relationships.
Thanks for reminding me to set my affection on things above: In Heavenly Places!
Love you so much Melody. When I think of all we’ve been through-whew- never would have dreamed! I’m so thankful for such a beautiful sister/in/love and in the Lord. I think the most amazing thing to me is that the journey has taken me so long- but as you’ve stated- there are layers and layers of healing to process. I think we’re a lot like Jacob- who wrestled with God for an answer- Bless Me, He prayed. And God did, but in the process He touched Jacob’s hip and Jacob walked with a limp the rest of His life. I feel like that- God’s given me a new name, a new song, a new purpose, a new perspective- but I think I’ll always “walk with a limp” until I see Him face to face and He makes me whole. praying for you, dear one.
Stay blessed this week and the coming weeks. Our God is alive. 🙂