My Shocking Discovery About Inclusion
[Tweet “People talk about #equality and #inclusion but they don’t really #believe it”]
I was at another “wonderful” IEP meeting, talking about the realities and possibilities of Bethany’s education. The teachers raved about her contribution in each of their classes and revealed she’s on the honor role again. Then they begged us to consider expanding Bethany’s hours at the school. (we are presently attending public school for the “specials”- Art, Choir, Speech, Drama, Student Council and I home educate the core subjects)
I once again reminded them why we are home schooling. The bottom line is they didn’t want to accommodate Bethany in the typical classroom for core subjects. We’re just not interested in her being pulled out to a special ed classroom to “learn” (long story- but let’s just say I don’t teach recycling and practicing life skills in my core classes. 😉 ) Take a look at the picture- INTEGRATION is NOT INCUSION.
[Tweet “Is full #inclusion, #support and #modification of education an impossible #dream?”]
As I was explaining for the umpteenth time we didn’t want Bethany herded to the
Behavioral and severe, non-verbal special education class”, I could see a frown forming on Bethany’s para’s face. She quickly spoke up.
Now before you read what she said, remember this is a special education para- trained with 24 years of experience!
“I think you’re really cheating Bethany out of an important experience.”
“Oh, what do you feel she’s missing by being taken out of regular classes and assigned to a closed class room?”
“Well, I really believe for her to adjust to her future life, she needs more time “being with her own kind”. You know, at this point, she’s rarely with kids like her. That’s not realistic.”
(HER OWN KIND? isn’t that the ignorant phrase they used to say when it came to segregating blacks from whites? She didn’t have the smarts to stop at that point but kept babbling her uneducated nonsense)
“You know, one of the other kids with downs is in her drama class and she always goes up to talk to him. She is drawn to him because she knows they’re alike. She should spend more more time with them.”
I was shocked into silence- and that just doesn’t happen very often.
I wish I would have said-
“Her own kind?”
Her. Own. Kind???!!!!!
ALL people are her kind!
She belongs to the human race.
Bethany’s dance studio- DAZZLERS is one place that practices FULL Inclusion.
[Tweet “God only sees one kind of person- made in His image- bought by His love.”]
Inclusion and integration are legislated to facilitate living together with respect and compassion- no matter what “disability” one has. How dare you try to isolate and ostracize her from typical society where she will learn and grow and maybe teach others about compassion and respect.
How dare you try to dehumanize and disrespect her by consigning her to a labeled group of “kind”.
So—–
as I deep breathe a ton
and try to quell my angry thoughts-
I force myself to thank the Lord for giving me eyes to see the beauty and diversity of His handiwork. ALL of His handiwork.
I pray for the courage to keep pushing for accommodations and inclusion- but I’m also not going to hold my breath until it happens. I’ll keep doing whatever I have to do to help Bethany learn to belong in the “real” world.
Surprising Treasure: Acts 10:34 Then Peter began to speak: “I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism
Wow! My jaw dropped at that remark. How did Bethany take it?
I know Barbara. Bethany is delightfully Bethany. She just loves her para- she just loves everyone. It would take someone being very directly mean and unkind for her to be upset- but she would still just love them through her tears.
This is a wonderful blog post Cindy. It helps all of us to reconsider the way that we respond towards each other. It’s so easy to categorise people and put them in a box. We should all be free to mix with others and to learn from our differing experiences and challenges. When better to learn that than from childhood? That’s what makes it sad when such inclusion isn’t practised. I’m so glad that Bethany does get to go to the specials, but I hope that one day she’ll get to be fully included in more than that. The dance studio sounds wonderful. God bless them for being fully inclusive.
I’ll share this article on Twitter. Have a good weekend!
Thank you so much Rachel! We miss out on so much when we pigeon hole people and shut them out of our little circle. Love your blog. Thanks for sharing this on Twitter. Blessings!
Very well said!
Thanks Renae. thanks for stopping by- many blessings!
What a blessing for Bethany that she has her foundational education at home, and the specials, such as the Dazzlers, with people who not only include her but WELCOME her delightful participation. I am stunned by the words from that experienced special ed para. I guess it takes an “expert” to be so out of touch with reality. I hope when the blood stops boiling (I’m with you!) you have another opportunity to explain in your sweet way that we are all “one kind,” of one blood, one race – the human race – and everyone in that “kind” is a unique individual. That’s how we see each other, flaws and all (even the jaded ideas of the “expert kind,” but I’d actually leave that last thought out of the discussion – too “mean”). 😉 Not to break ranks, but I have to tell you, Cindy, you are a special “one of a kind” and you delight my heart with everything you write. Hugs!
Oh Edy, you warm my heart and make me laugh (love your breaking of the ranks comment 😉 ) We’re having another IEP meeting next week to plan 8th grade and meet with the high school to figure out her options. I had to write about it because it was so shocking to me- but I’m trying to use it as a teaching tool and let go of it “emotionally”. The truth is- people think this way and if I can get better about responding in an enlightening, educational way- then we all win. I’m so thankful we have the option to home school and take advantage of the specials. I know in my heart, this is the path God has chosen for us. hugs and blessings!
Love the drawings that so dramatically show the differences between Exclusion, Segregation, Integration, and Inclusion. Dazzlers Dance in Lawrence, Kansas continues to be a Bethany’s bright light proving the life-changing power of Inclusion.
I love the drawing too! I guess I didn’t realize exactly what they were trying to do with her classes. Integration is not inclusion.
Oh. My. Goodness. As a teacher, I am stunned by her ignorance, yet not at all surprised by it. As a mother, I’m enraged! You’re a much better woman than I am, Cindy. Had I been in your shoes, I’d probably be in jail. At the very least, I’d be paying for the wigs the para would have to wear while her hair grew back in.
Your little circle pics are a perfect way to show the difference between inclusion, integration, segregation, and exclusion. Thanks for those.
Your daughter is so blessed to be part of your family. Thank you so much for sharing her with us.
Blessings to all of you!
Susan
It was such an aha moment for me. It was like- “no wonder we have inclusion problems in schools if that’s how even educated people perceive inclusion.”
Probably, the only reason I didn’t think about pulling her hair out ( 😉 ) is that I really feel Bethany is better off home schooling part time and doing specials part time. The thing that makes me sad is how many parents don’t have this option- they’re stuck with the broken, outdated, system that really doesn’t INDIVIDUALLY make an educational plan for each and every student. For the most part, our experience with teachers have been excellent- I guess I’m just Pollyanna enough to want it all.
Thanks for always being there to cheer me on.
Wow! What an eye opener. God bless you for having the character of Jesus and for shining His light and strength in the lives of each person you touch.
Sweet Amy! It was a shocker for me. I’m always trying to find the balance- how much energy do I put into an “outdated” system- I want to be pro-active but my first priority is Bethany. I’m so glad I home schooled our other kids or I wouldn’t have the confidence to home school Bethany. Hugs to you Amy- I just visited Go Fund Me for Jessica- HOW AWESOME what she is doing to make a change in this wicked world! love you!
Wow! I was riveted reading your story! I fought heart and soul for our son to be home educated on core subjects. Would have LOVED for him to have been able to go to school for specials in arts or other subjects – PE, lunch, etc. We heard all the excuses (I mean reasons) for inclusion. Instead the school district ate us alive – turned us over to the local district attorney who literally made up all these crazy unbelievable things about us and nearly destroyed us. We are fine now – two great kids – my Auti – is entirely home schooled – camps are his greatest social outlet beyond our family and good family friends. I wish I better options for social during the school year, but at 15, he is happy and thriving. In school, he would have remained non-verbal, unable to read and unable to do math. Thank you for posting your story. I don’t feel so alone in this particular fight. I wanted – needed for my kid to have access to an education, not just a place for his bottom to sit for 6 hrs a day. Thank you!
Hi! thanks for stopping by and taking time to comment! I know what you mean about the “excuses”/reasons. If I hadn’t already had 25 years of previous home schooling under my belt and taught Bethany to read myself- and home schooled her successfully through 6th grade- I think “they” would have intimidated me into thinking public school full time was the best scenario for her. I sooooo agree with you. We are the consumer- they are a provider- A PROVIDER- not the only option out there. We have an obligation to advocate for what works for our kids! I’m so sorry for the battle you were in! I’m thankful you’ve found joy in your journey! I agree with you totally- I just wanted access to what would help Bethany- not a babysitting service! Blessings to you and your family!
Hi Cindy,
I just looked at your website – I had linked to your blog via fb… and chills….Do you know what B’shert is? Meant to be – somehow I was meant to read your blog today and it was fate. Your last name is my first name. Crazy coincidence and you are the first person who has ever put into writing the argument that I have been making for the past 13 years. Hats off to you for knowing what you were doing. I had NO idea. It was terrifying. Everyone, except my mother, told me I was crazy. The funny thing was, I thought and now know – they were all just wrong – it all seemed to obvious to me and I couldn’t see why anyone else couldn’t see this. That was until every expert in the Bay Area came to assess our son over the years and the general quotes were something like “You really know how to educate this child” or “This is exactly where he should be – if he were in a classroom he’d be sitting doing nothing” – the school district won financially, but our son would not be where he is if I had listened to all of the “inclusion” rhetoric. Thanks so much for that retrospective shot of confidence.
All the best to you – you are amazing!
I loved this post. I loved it enough that I did share it with credits given on my blog tonight. I sure hope that the school thought long and hard about how they were acting about Bethany…. <3
Thanks for stopping by Carol! I’m going to pop over to your blog spot right now! Thanks for sharing it, too! The funny thing is, the general consensus is they wonder why we’re making a fuss about things. It’s fine for “everybody” else- why can’t we be happy with the status quo? It’s not horrible- the teachers are great and loving- but I want the I in IEP- individualized. 🙂 Blessings to you!
Let them walk in our shoes! Bet they would comply then! :/ God Bless you! The website highlighted this time is the one I have for my children if you want to follow them as well.
God made such a wonderful choice when He chose you and Jeff to be Bethany’s parents! 🙂
So cool that you are giving a voice for those who are in similar situations but are unable to speak up.
Thanks Theresa! I’m learning every day- God is enough! His strength is made perfect in weakness! Hugs and blessings. Hope you’re doing well.