Those who look to God for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces.
New Living Translation Psalm 34:5
No Shadow of Shame- Only Joy
I hurried upstairs when I heard our foster daughter, Andie, sobbing her heart out. I knocked at her bedroom door.
“Andie, it’s Cindy. May I come in?”
More crying. “ooooo k.”
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After twenty minutes of patting her knee and trying to figure out what was ripping her heart into shreds- I finally got an answer that surprised me.
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“I just found out something terrible.” more tears threatening to become a waterfall again.
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“I just found out……..I have a bone missing from my ear! I was born missing a bone!!!” By the last word her voice had crescendo ed to a wail! I was torn between confusion and relief that it wasn’t that big of a problem. (more conversation revealed it doesn’t affect hearing and it’s been that way for 20 years)
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Oh, Andie! Sweetheart! All of us are born with stuff wrong. None of us are perfect.“
Hope dawned in her eyes. “Really?”
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[Tweet “Have you ever been a prisoner of #shame and #brokenness? #BreakFree #hope #GodsLove”]
I recently read an article where a woman from Armenia abandoned her son and demanded her husband choose between her or their son. All because this son was born with down syndrome. click here to read more
I was surprised at the outpouring of condemnation and judgmental shame laid upon this woman. 1) we don’t know both sides of the story and 2) even if she chose to abandon their son and marriage. I felt only sorrow for her.
Had she abandoned her child because she had been taught well by society and narrow minded people? She shared her culture dictated it was shameful to have a child with a disability. She believed the lie and ultimately gave up the opportunity to love an unfolding treasure.
Shame is not unique to Armenia. In America, shame compels 9 out of 10 women to abandon their child with down syndrome before their born in such a way, no one will know of their abandonment.
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What is more shameful?
To be born imperfect,
or to believe we get to decide
who is perfect enough to live and
who is flawed enough to die?
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The truth is: shame is a prison, based on deception and lies. God longs to set us free from the bondage of shame. #truth #forgiveness
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[Tweet “#Shame is a #prison- God’s #love sets us free. #freedom “]
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When Bethany was born I was a prisoner of shame for a few weeks.
A mental voice “scolded” me for being an older mom who should have thought about the potential consequences of pregnancy at 40. (funny- the truth is there is always a potential for “problems” when having children)
There is an unspoken “shame” that your child is somehow “less than” when born with down syndrome or any other disability. Shame would wash over me as I would see people avert their eyes or avoid us, or the uncomfortable silences as people were unsure what to say to us.
Someone actually told me “Well, you got what you deserved. You were irresponsible to not take the test. If you would have just taken that test, you could have taken care of the problem.”
That slap of shame woke me up to God’s truth. Bethany is not the problem. She’s a child with a challenge.
Aren’t we all born facing a life full of challenges?
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[Tweet “Special Needs and #disabilities can happen to #anyone at #anytime. #UNASHAMED”]
I looked to God for help.
“God. Why do I feel this way? It’s sick and twisted. I don’t even know what I’m ashamed about! I want to understand. I don’t want to be afraid of down syndrome and what its going to mean to us and her and our family and the rest of our life! God- help me! I don’t know what to think or believe! Where is the joy and purpose in all of this???“
And He answered me.
Through His word, through whispers of love in the nighttime, through song and prayer and the beautiful, glorious, unconditional love of others.
He answered clearly:
“I am perfect love. I will walk with you every day and as you look to Me. When you look to Me for help- My joy will chase away every shadow of shame. I want you to learn just how valuable each and every person is to Me. I want to liberate you from your misconceptions of life- and perfection- and works- and identity- and status. I’m going to show you incredible treasures and you’ll get to share them with others. There is no shame My love can’t overcome!”
[Tweet “There is no #shame God’s #love can’t overcome! #grace #truth”]
I never want to put shame on anyone. I believe shame is a tool of the devil. God doesn’t use shame- He uses truth with love. Because He has set me free, not once- but multitude of times when I’ve become imprisoned by shame, I’m compelled to share God’s glorious freedom found in His overcoming love.
Surprising Treasure:
The Jubilee Bible 2000 They looked unto Him and were lightened, and their faces were not ashamed.
[Tweet “Look 2 God 4 help- you’ll be radiant with #joy; no shadow of #shame will darken your face.”]
Amen, Cindy…AMEN!!!
Shame is a sneaky thing- it attaches itself and I’m “wearing” it before I know what’s happening! Thank God His light reveals and delivers! I love walking in His light and love! learning how one day at a time-
So true! Love this post! Shame and blame. But there’s another way to Live!
Thanks, Cindy. Beautiful words. 🙂
Thanks Julie! There is another way to live! Thank God He wants us to live in His love and grace. Hugs and blessings- thanks for stopping by!
May God’s grace be known and felt by all those who know and feel shame.
Great post Hon!
It almost seems to simple- as I read the verse- Look to God for help- that’s almost way to easy. But as I’ve meditated on it, I realize there is NOTHING I can do to get out from under the power of shame- I am truly a prisoner. The only One who can heal and deliver me from the prison of shame.
You ROCK!
I have had shame put on me. I have picked it up myself and wore it and I have put it on others. GRACE ALWAYS WINS!
Thanks Ray! Grace always wins! One thought I had was how the enemy of our souls wants to convince us God is disappointed or ashamed of us. If we believe this- we won’t go to Him in our shame. But even from the beginning- God dealt with our sin and shame with compassion and truth and grace. He sought Adam and Eve out- not to shame them or destroy them, but to clothe them and prevent them from becoming an eternal living soul in their sin and shame! What a Mighty God we have! His love and grace know no bounds! blessings on your journey! FREEDOM in GRACE
You are such an encouraging pioneer in speaking for those in need of an advocate, Cindy. As I once heard someone say, as we deepen our message, the Lord will broaden our witness. And, here you are!
I am reminded of my cousin born with down syndrome. I was too young to understand why my aunt was crying over her new baby on the changing table. It must have been my mom who explained that another visiting relative had been urging this family to institutionalize the baby, as being only “fair” to the rest of the family. Well, that family resisted the pressure and became advocates, like you, in their area of pastoring. Even as a little boy, his actions struck me as being more thoughtful than the rest of us children. He blessed more than his immediate family with all his gifts of love and music and laughter and joy. Every unique individual has so much that the Lord wants to give us, that I can only pity the “proper” relative that resisted such a gift.
I so appreciate the way you helped dry your little girl’s tears with a reminder that every one of us is born with something wrong, in this world under the curse of sin and death. Thanks be to God that He makes all things new, and one day we will see it with our own eyes! Meanwhile, you are establishing a foothold for the new creation on the horizon. I love you, dear heart!
Wow Edy! What a story. I cried many tears not knowing what was ahead of us- or if I had the hutzpah to see it through- but thanks be to God for His patience and unending love- and thanks be to God for the majority of people who came along beside us and encouraged us- and even thanks be to God for the minority of people who were cruel and ignorant- their ignorance woke me up to the truth.
I can’t thank you enough for always commenting and encouraging me! You’ve encouraged me way more than I could tell you! Love you big sister!
Cindy, you hit the nail on the head: “shame is a tool of the devil.” This is an excellent post!
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thanks for stopping by Barbara! A light bulb went on for me when I realized how many times my “inner voice” tries to shame me! The Lord lovingly corrects and His instruction brings life! blessings to you and thanks for taking the time to comment. 🙂
That news story broke my heart – that anyone would feel a child is worth abandoning just because they’re different. Different can be hard, but it’s not impossible. Different can even bring new joys and insights you wouldn’t have had otherwise. I have a child with autism and while it’s a challenge and other moms have tried to shame me because of his behavior, I love him unconditionally. He is God’s child and I’m proud of him no matter what. We need to get rid of all this shaming and putting down because we’re all different – we all have something.
Amen and Amen Kathryn! If we can break the cycle of shame- if we can educate people that different is- well- different…. As Moms of children with a disability, we have a wonderful opportunity to model the unconditional love God has for all. You’re so right- we all have something and God can use that something for His glory!
shame and guilt steal so much joy from so many. thanks for the encouragement!
@spreadingJOY
Marie
thanks for stopping by Marie! Blessings and hugs to you today! You spread joy by visiting and encouraging me! 🙂
Thanks for this encouraging post, Cindy! What a great message to help us deal and fight “shame.” It is so easy to get caught up in shame and forget what God really says about things. A great reminder for us! God bless.