My Birth Mother’s Choice
[Tweet “How can I ever thank my #birthMom enough, for the #gift of #life? #courage #choice “]
Kathleen prayed she wasn’t pregnant. Her heart was filled with hopes and dreams for the future; she was only seventeen, not married, and the year was 1958! (Not a good year to be an unwed mother.) Six months later, found her residing at Florence Crittenton Home, separated from family, hidden from friends. She hoped to have a boy in February, because she didn’t know if she could give up a little girl.
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She was strong willed. She knew what she was going to choose! She would not marry someone she didn’t love, she didn’t want her parents to raise her baby, she knew she was too young to raise her by herself, she knew she wanted the baby to live- so that left only one option in her mind.
And when the time came, apart from family, attended to by strangers who bluntly told her she deserved the pain because she was “bad”, she bravely pushed a little girl (me) into the world. She refused to sign the adoption papers until they let her hold me. She whispered she would always love me and she was doing this for me. Like Moses mother of old, she believed I had a future and trusted God would carry me to it.
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[Tweet “Courage is #rewarded when we #choose God’s best. #LIFE “]
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The saga was unfolding miles away, In a different town. Another woman was in despair- but not because she was pregnant- but because she wasn’t- and couldn’t be. Hope diminished to a flickering flame after thirteen years of the pain and sorrow of childlessness. Joyce prayed there might be a way, any way- to hold and love, nurture and cherish a child.
In 1958, a neighbor asked if they had considered adoption. Renewed strength filled her and her husband, Chuck. They chose to explore that path. Hardly daring to hope, they went through countless interviews, forms, questions, and in-home visits from a social worker. And one day, the phone rang and the Baby Fold said, “Mr. and Mrs. Benedict- we have a little girl for you.” What rejoicing as they drove up to get me. Not flesh of their flesh but born through a veil of tears in their heart; they chose me.
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Their two choices, led to my treasure of two mothers!
[Tweet “Two separate #choices- led to my #treasure of 2 #mothers.”]
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“I’m so glad you couldn’t have children Mom, because then you wouldn’t have adopted me.” I told mom this after she told how she had prayed for children and God had allowed them to adopt but not have them the “natural” way.
She smiled tearily. “God knew didn’t He? He chose you for us!”
Joyce- my Mom; The mother who held me, rocked and nurtured me. She was the one who encouraged my first steps. She was the mom who had to let go little by little as I grew; my first day of school, growing into my hobbies, passions, activities at youth group, piano lessons, braces, cheer-leading, marching band, then celebrating my graduation from high school to college. The day when she stood by my Dad and I on my wedding day. She was there, fully embracing my exhilaration as I was initiated into motherhood.
Mom was loving, discerning (she would say “you mark my words” and it always was the way she had predicted 🙂 ). Mom had a beautiful servant’s heart, loved babies and the elderly, taught me about God’s love, right and wrong, was an encourager, and kept an immaculate house. (lol I got most of those qualities from her except the last thing I mentioned ugh!)
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I had only been married 2 years and had just become a mother myself when I had to face letting her go.
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I sobbed as we watched the Lord rescue her from the cancer terrorizing her body.
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In that room, we were captured in a holy, awesome moment, as she roused from her struggle, smiled and then lifted her eyes up, fixed on “something” – no, make that “SomeOne” – we couldn’t see. It was so hard letting her go. When she took her last breath on earth, she took part of my heart and it is beating in heaven with her, waiting for reunion. She was my mentor, my model, and friend.
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[Tweet “We don’t really #lose someone to #death, if we know where to find them. #heaven”]
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To Kathleen- my birth mother, the one who chose to nurture me, talk to me, pray for me, and give me to another couple (even though I was a girl and it broke her heart to give me up) All this so I could have a “better” life.
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When I was twenty-five, I was blessed to meet my birth mother, three sisters and journey into an amazing relationship with them all for the next 25 years. Our similarities were astounding; same hair and skin coloring, same musical talent, same hand movements, same walk, same faith.
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My birth mom had become a social worker, hoping to help others in a better way than she had been helped. She had been praying that she made the right choice. When we met and hugged, she said,
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“It was worth the pain of not holding you, to know you had such wonderful parents. I want you to know I chose to give you up because I loved you. I hope you forgive me.”
Forgive her? For what? For giving me life? For making the best decision she could at the time?
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I was so blessed! Kathleen became Grandma Kathleen and my sisters became Aunts to our children. She watched our children
grow up, take their first steps, stood by me as we buried our daughter, Kristin, celebrated our children’s milestones and stood witness to two of her grand-children’s weddings. Kathleen’s love and support when Bethany was born gave me confidence I could face what-ever lay before us- “doesn’t God work all things together for our good?” She became my mentor, my model, my friend.
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Some people were upset when I chose to meet Kathleen- feeling it was disrespectful to my mom and that I was somehow trying to “replace” her. But I know it was a “God-thing”– not the right choice for everyone, but it was my path to travel.
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I’ll always be grateful to my Dad. I asked him if he thought I should connect with my birth mother.
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He said, “Of course! There is always room in your heart to love more people!”
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I never felt Kathleen replaced my mom. I felt I was reconnected with the mom who had held me in her heart and prayers from the time I was conceived.
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Saying Goodbye Again
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Just two years ago, I had to let go of yet another Mother.
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Cancer.
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That same enemy that took my Mom- Joyce, took my birth mother, Kathleen.
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Someday the name of cancer will hold no more power or threat -You will hear me shout when that enemy defeated!
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In this life we’re always letting go- and I’ve learned, that when we love- it’s never easy.
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My comfort is to live in God’s future promises.
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I envision their meeting each other for the 1st time!
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I know, one of the first people to greet her at heaven’s gate, was my Mom- Joyce. In my mind’s eye I can see them hugging, crying and rejoicing as Mom “Joyce” says, “Thank you for giving her life and thank you for giving her up.” While at the same time, Mom “Kathleen” was saying, “Thank you for raising her and loving her and teaching her about God!”
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[Tweet “Our #choices ripple throughout #eternity. #chooseLife #adoption “]
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Sur
prising Treasure: A salute to Mothers- one of the best Gifts to mankind God ever created! Moms- blessed to have TWO- blessed to be one.
Happy Mother’s Day to everyone who has nurtured, taught, and raised up, a child.
Everything to Me by Mark Schultz
Cindy…hugs to you – trying to write this through my tears 🙂
Love you so much, thanks for being so transparent.
Happy Mother’s Day – to ONE GREAT MOTHER whom I admire so much 🙂
Right back at you Mama- Hugs and thanks for the encouragement.
Cindy – thank you for writing this… I really have no more words, just tears.
Still praying for you Heidi- Hugs and rejoicing for the joys God sets before us as mothers!
Cindy, What an incredible Mother you are – I have always admired you for that! I’m so glad that through God, you and Mom were able to reunite and join our families together. Happy Mother’s Day! I love you!
Oh Wendy- you are an amazing mother yourself. I love you and I’m glad God made us sisters. 🙂
Yes the tears definitely have it today. I was wrapped in sorrow, comfort and joy all at the same time. I can so relate in some ways…my older sister had her baby out of wedlock in 1958 and Diane was born at home but at the same time there was the stigma you mentioned…..then there is Makaela…I know God put Dan and Donna in her life too. So when I read about your feelings that played so many different parts, it gave me the peace and joy . I thank you so much Cindy…you never fail to lift me beyond what my capabilities can do. “Well done thy good and faithful servant!”
God is weaving a tapestry- one day we’ll see everything from His perspective. I love you!
What a beautiful tribute to your mothers, and you. I love the tribute to Bethany. Miss seeing you guys…but our lives move on. Now I have 2 grandchildren of my own, and love them more than anything…..Happy Mothers Day to you, Cindy.
Thanks Linda- I miss Nan and Mom so much- but God is so good to promise us heaven with them. 🙂 Hugs
Oh Cindy! What a story this is! I would love to see you flesh it out into a book that would bless so many people!
Precious unwed mothers could see what their options might be. Those considering abortions could see how beautiful a life could be when it’s God-directed and God-sustained. Parents who are considering adoptions would see that it doesn’t have to be an experience fraught with the unknown and unexpected. Without God’s guidance through an experience like this, heartache can follow, but you were blessed to have wonderful mothers who loved you deeply and felt no threat in knowing about one another. Any woman would be thrilled to have you as their daughter, and if I had had a daughter in addition to my two sons, I would love to think she would be just like you!
God bless your sweet heart now and always.
Thanks Mariane! It was so difficult paring it down to just a blog!! I would love to tell it in more fullness- maybe someday 🙂
I know the story. My eyes are still flooding with tears. God wins.
awwww – Jeff- yes- He does win!
Oh, so beautiful, Cindy! Thank you for your open sharing & tribute & bringing on the tears. We do see just the knots & snarls & broken ends on the underside of the trapesty God is weaving of our lives–have found myself repeating that several times lately!
I second the motion for a book! Our culture/world tolerates a much looser adherence to God’s plan for man/woman relationships & life–but He has opened our hearts to a greater acceptance of the women/couples who do choose life. Thank you, Lord!
Don’t always comment, but enjoy your blog tremendously.
Thanks Cecilia- what a wonderful journey we’re on as we discover His plans and purposes for our lives- the greatest being how to love! Hugs- thanks for the input!
So blessed by the somewhat complicated tapestry that is our lives:) I wish I had the opportunity to know grandma Joyce so much, yet I’m also so thankful to have had the opportunity to have the time with Grandma Kathleen! Thanks mom for learning and growing from these experiences- you are an example of strength and bravery I draw from daily
“Complicated Tapestry”- so true- yet what a beautiful one He is weaving- I love you and admire you dear daughter!
What a wonderful tribute to both your mothers. No wonder you have soooo much love to give. I enjoyed your story and like everyone else had tears rolling down my face. You should write a book or ten. You have wonderful skills and lots to teach. I am so blessed to know you.
I love you Jean- thanks for the encouragement!
Cindy, Just a beautiful accolade to two mothers. Indeed, God blessed you.
Thank you Verna- it’s amazing looking back and seeing the Hand of God weaving things together for His good and His glory!
Thank the Lord. He is good. And thank the Lord for such a wondering mother that you are. I love you mom, what an amazing God made legacy you are giving to us. I admire you and thank God for you all the time. Thanks for being such a great mother. You and Dad are awesome :).
Oh Noah- you and Sarah bless my socks off! Hugs-
The comment I thought I left must have been entered on facebook! I’ll just add my dittos to everyone else’s comments here. This just pulls the flood waters up from my heart. As an OB nurse, fresh out of nurses’ training, I worked with unwed mothers. Many times I was glad I was wearing a mask in the delivery room, to hide my own tears when the new mom heard her baby’s cry. I can still hear the words as she sobbed, “Oh, I love you so much! But, I can’t keep you!” I’m so glad for both you and your two mothers. So much love blossomed from heartbreak. Except a kernel of wheat…!
How did I miss this response Edy? “So much love blossomed from heartbreak!” I have goosebumps as I read the truth of that statement. love you all to pieces!
Oh, Cindy, this story absolutely blessed me. I LOVE the way God works in our lives. I agree with Mariane, this needs to be expanded into a book. Love you! Hugs!
Thank you Rita- I am blessed beyond my understanding to have had such a rich heritage- not once but twice in this life! Amazing grace- 🙂 hugs