Bethany and I are still working on “talking fast” (see previous post) Days of practicing is opening my eyes to the MAMMOTH task set before us. I didn’t realize how many aspects to talking and conversation there really is. She wants me to “script” her talking LOL- and that just isn’t possible. I feel like she’s “boxed in” and can’t think outside her preconceived “conversational box”!
Sample:
“Let’s practice talking fast Mommy.”
“O.K.- How are you doing today?”
“NO- Mommy, you have to let me walk up to you and then say, “hi, what’s your name?”
“Bethany, every conversation will be different, so we have to practice different beginnings.”
“No-oo. You have to start the right way! Start- “Hi, what’s your name!”
“But what, if it’s a friend and they know who you are and they want to ask you something else.”
absolute silence.
She ignores me and speaks at 80 mph….
“HihowareyouMynameBethanyBarclayI’min5th grade.—–
was that fast enough Mommy?”
Oh my gosh! Have you heard of thinking outside of the box? Well, that’s very difficult for children with special needs. And if she can learn to think outside of it’s limitations- there’s a whole wonderful world out there- just waiting for her! We practiced a script of questions and now, in her mind, the script is the conversation! She thinks all she has to do is practice the answers so she can say them quickly and that equals “talking fast”!
CONCRETE- not abstract, SCRIPTED and REHEARSED is more comforting to Bethany- then she’ll know she’s doing it “right”. When she stands in a group of kids, she’s included but her inability to think fast enough to process the conversations swirling around her EXCLUDES her. In other words “shooting the breeze” in a conversation???? that is what we’re shooting for and it’s a different “conversational” box altogether!
I try again…. “Bethany, part of talking fast is learning to LISTEN to what the other person is saying so you can think about what to say next. There is no right order in a conversation.”
This tidbit seems to be registering. As we’re practicing she is beginning to slow down to LISTEN to what I’m saying…and I think we’re growing in this 🙂
I try again…
I said, “Bethany, talking isn’t just telling people about you. Part of talking fast is ASKING QUESTIONS to the other person so the conversation can continue. You find out what they like to talk about.”
“I can’t. Don’t know how.” Bethany wails.
Say a little pray that Bethany’s conversation box will get a bit bigger! 🙂 and that Mommy can help ramp up her speed 🙂
Here’s one idea. There’s a book I need to ask my friend about (she knows the title) and I’ll send that reference too 🙂
http://www.speakingofspeech.com/Social_Skills_Pragmatics.html
A++ for you Mary! You are a wealth of information! I hope you’re doing great! Miss ya-
I believe this is it 🙂
http://www.socialthinking.com/books-products?page=shop.product_details&flypage=flypage.tpl&product_id=96&category_id=9
Much of this has to do with being 12, and “almost a teenager” as Bethany reminds us. It is an exciting stage. But this is also the stage when heightened self-awareness could begin to show Bethany that she is different from many of her friends. I confess my concern about this. Junior High was rocky for me- I am glad Cindy wrote this post. God has a great plan, your ideas on “learning to talk fast” will be greatly appreciated!
🙂 I’m looking for some of Jesus’ “opening” phrases – so Bethany can get double mileage out of her conversations! Here goes:
“Friend, why are you here?”
“What do you want me to do for you?” – “What are you going to do?”
“Let me ask you a question….”
“Do you see these great buildings…?”
“Let her alone!”
“Do not be afraid….”
“Do you also wish to go away?”
“Who are you looking for?”
“Children, have you any fish?”
Oops, I’m having too much fun – some paraphrasing needed, but these present ideas for different encounters, anyway. Enjoy your speed-talking conversations, Cindy and Bethany – wish I could join you! 🙂
Cool- thanks Edy- I’m going to take a different aspect each day and have her start the conversation by asking a leading question. What are you doing? etc. I wish you could join us too! You would be a great conversation partner 🙂
Another idea: If she is a visual learner (like me) seeing photos of people in a variety of situations (I’m remembering her touching and spontaneous conversation with the pregnant woman in the parking lot) might be a good trigger for generating opening phrases. Practicing with photos could ease her into real encounters. Or, one of Bethany’s siblings could write a play just for her! 🙂
oooohhh! Love that idea- photos- scripting a play- maybe puppets- I love the idea of differing scripts but I have to be careful not to let her “memorize” the script 🙂 hugs and thanks for the help!!!!!
What about a key ring of conversation starters? I could try and make one and see if that helps give her scripts of how to start conversations.
Dawn! That sounds fantastic~ Would you mind making one when you get time? – or if you want to email me the starters and I can make it!? That sounds intriguing- Thanks you!!