Bethany ran in the house, opened her backpack to pull out a small rectangular card and breathlessly said, “Mom! Mom! Finally! I got it!  The school gave it me today!” 

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“What’s this?” I asked taking the card. “Oh, I see, that’s so cool- you’ve got your school ID card.  That’s awesome.”

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 “No, Mom!   No!” She slowed down and proceeded to say each word emphatically to make sure I understood.  “The school- gave- me- my- DRIVER’S – LICENSE.

You said- I -go-  school to learn – and they gave it to me. “

Eyes sparkling and a 100 watt smile, she said in reverent awe           

     “MOM- I can drive now!”

 ♥    ♥    ♥    ♥    ♥    ♥    ♥    ♥    ♥    ♥

No matter how many ways I tried to explain that her picture ID was NOT a driver’s license, Bethany’s brain was FROZEN in her own little logical reality.

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I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “mule-headed” or “stubborn as a mule”. That sure doesn’t sound very complimentary but I’m going to share why I think “mule thinking” isn’t all bad. 🙂

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[Tweet “#Stubborn people aren’t #closeminded; they have a mind of their own. #identity”]

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People with downs syndrome

have a general reputation for being stubborn:

 definition- 1- obstinate, firmly fixed, difficult to handle  2- persistent, tenacious, dogged determination

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I can only speak from my experience with Bethie but “YES” to the fullest definition of the word.  There is no “reasoning” or “explaining”, only trying to understand what has “shut her down” and why she has “dug in her heels to go no further.”

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[Tweet “A #positive side to #stubborness is the ability to #persevere. “]

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It seems for Beth- the 80/20 rule loosely applies.  Today, I’m not going to talk about the 20% when I need to deal with Beth’s “sin nature”- I’m talking about the majority of time I’m helping her move understand and forward.

For Bethany,  80% of her mulishness is NOT “rebellion”- or “defiance”- she is truly balking in the “mulest” sense of the word!

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She’s stuck- frozen- unable to move forward.

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John Hauer said this in The Saturday Evening Post. “People who do not know much about mules usually ask, “Aren’t they stubborn?” The answer is, “Depends on your definition of stubborn.” If you mean, “Do they have minds of their own and do they think for themselves?”, then the answer is yes. If you mean, “Are they unreasonably obstinate?”, then the answer for most mules is no.”

Back in the day, mules were used primarily as beasts of burden.  Their handlers inexperienced and uninformed, thinking that if brute force didn’t get results, more force and mistreatment were called for. This did not work- at all.  A horse can usually be intimidated and forced to do things, even if he perceives that they are senseless or potentially harmful to itself.  You can ride a horse to the ground, but a mule won’t let you.  They have too strong sense of self-preservation. If a pack mule is loaded with more weight than she can safely carry, she may lie down or just refuse to move. When the load is reduced to within her self- preservation limits, she will carry it willingly.

[Tweet “Maybe #balking or saying #no- is a way of self #preservation.”]

WOW- the analogies in this paragraph are rich and I don’t have time to extrapolate :).

 Beth will not be hurried, rushed, pushed, begged, cajoled, reasoned, or forced into anything. If it’s too overwhelming to understand or figure out- she doesn’t stress- she  just doesn’t do it. LOL  If she’s tired, she quits.  If she’s not interested, she’s done.  No pretense there.  

Couple this with her simplicity of thought:   Bethany has a huge desire to please people and make them happy.  I’ve learned that if she is balking, there is a reason behind it.

It is “I” who needs to calm down, slow down, and assess the situation.

I’m laughing even as I’m typing.  God’s got a sense of humor, teaching a mule like me patience with another mule!

Is it fear of a new situation?

Is she tired?

Is she unsure of what I want her to do?

Has her brain hit a “glitch”  (see Glitches post)

Does she need to hear it explained more slowly or in a different way?

 Here’s my challenge with Bethie:  Instead of pressuring forcefully for outward compliance, I want to cultivate and encourage inward understanding.  Ultimately, I don’t want her to be docile and compliant!  I want her to learn to think and understand, question and learn, grow and mature.

[Tweet “As a parent, I want my child’s stubbornness to become dogged determination to do what is right.”] 

And that means I have to have insight and be patient in all the mule moments we experience.

Surprising Treasure:  Our Heavenly Father  wants us to FREELY CHOOSE to become more like Jesus.

He doesn’t want us to be docile dummies, mindlessly following, never being honest with our doubts and questions.  He’s always allowed clarifying questioning.  While He’s quick to deal with stubborn sinfulness, He’s patient and full of tender mercy and kindness to His children that have their mulish, balking moments.  I’d venture to say He takes “mulish moments” and uses them for His glory.  In the Potter’s hands, stubbornness becomes perseverance, reluctance is transformed to eagerness.  The Lord is patient and merciful to His children.  Every morning He delights to transform and move us from glory to glory- until His image be complete in us!

 The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning- GREAT IS HIS FAITHFULNESS!  Lamentations 3:2